Thursday, July 30, 2015

Be My Valentin

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A shorter week just got shortest -- I'm unexpectedly off tomorrow after a long week of barely working at all. But then you know this already  because I literally just mentioned it ten minutes ago when I posted all of those pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal's straining abdominal muscles. But hey when isn't a reminder your friend if it's swaddled in "Barbara Valentin in Ali Fear Eats the Soul" goodness? That's what I always say. Seriously ask anybody, that's like my go-to phrase.

Have a great weekend, everybody!
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Quote of the Day

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"As big as it would seem, [the eight-inch prosthetic penis] did not look that big on him. I think it was just because Chris is such a big, hulking dude... He makes the normal-size penis look small."

Vulture talked to the directors of National Lampoon's Vacation reboot about the cock heard round the world and this is what they had to say. Beautiful, beautiful words. Too bad the movie's supposed to suck. Hmmmm, suck...
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Last Sweaty Stop Before Southpaw

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I'd been putting this post off for two reasons - number one, I still haven't seen Southpaw yet. But now I'm planning on going tomorrow since I just found out my office is closed tomorrow, putting that concern outta the way. And number two, I knew this was a lotta work and I had other stuff to catch up on. This one I side-stepped though - I still have lots of other stuff to catch up on but my brain said fuck it, we wanna stare at Jake now.

So stare at Jake we did. And...

... did. The saintly folks at IHJM have done what they do and kept track of every Southpaw image released online, so we rounded those up along with finally giffing that behind-the-scenes work-out video, and here we are. Excuse me, ahem, here...

... we are. Here is a nice place to be. So if you guys have seen Southpaw already, so ahead and tell me you thoughts in the comments. I don't think it's possible for you to spoil me since that first trailer gave everything away anyway, and I doubt it's got much up its sleeve surprise wise. Jake's ripped torso wise though...

... that's there in spades, and that's most clearly what we're here for. Hit the jump to see the fruits of my -- Not Jake's! Mine! All mine! -- labors, with over forty more pictures...

Cursor Cursed

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There were a lot of surprises in store for me with Unfriended. The first surprise was when it came out and everybody was all "Hey this somehow isn't the pile of derivative shit the trailers make it look like." That was a surprise. The second surprise, and this one only hit me upon having finally watched the movie last night on my laptop, emphasis on that last bit, was that the film apparently worked so well for people in the movie theater - I liked the movie a lot but I can't imagine what a theatrical viewing was like; I'd love to hear from any of you who may've seen it in the theater.

But watching the film with my laptop propped on my lap laying under the covers of my darkened bedroom, Unfriended was kind of a singular experience. Who'd have thunk it? Filmmakers keep trying to wring horror from of Our Technological Now even though it's proven itself a brick wall time and time again, but Russian director Leo Gabriadze went and made the brick wall his bitch.

He overwhelms our tech obsessive impulses - you know that physical sensation in your gut you get nowadays from the red dot of a Facebook message caught out of the corner of your eye? Unfriended makes that impulse the cyber equivalent of going into the basement or checking on a noise you heard outside - you just have to click, you gotta, there is no steeping back from the ledge no matter how dumb it makes you, death and dismemberment and heaven forbid defriending be damned.
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Which Is Hotter?

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Tom Hardy or Joe Gordon Levitt in Inception?
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A happy 45th birthday to Chris Nolan today,
if only for bringing these two together.


Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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"Pay Attention or Pay The Price" 
Road Safety Ad (2000)

In case the school uniforms and the presence of My Beloved Julian Morris didn't give it away already this ad was British, so here in the States we missed out. And did we miss out! Fortunately for us all Julian has made a name for himself (by being super charming and also oh right getting naked a lot) and so this ad lives on via the internet for us all the world over to enjoy. Here's the video:
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I couldn't find much info on the ad save the year (via) so if anybody knows more, feel free to share. I'm especially keen to know what the reaction was like in the UK when this thing aired - seems to me if I'd been the teenage audience this thing was aiming at I'd have been obsessed with it, and not just for that sex smirk that Julian smirks... it's great camp. The dramatic cut at the end to the funeral and forcing that poor young actress to EMOTE with a capital MO...

Not that I can't understand her plight -- getting permanently cock-blocked by a minivan on the road to Julian Morris's fine ass would ruin anybody's life. Be safe out there, kiddies!

Hit the jump for links to previous Ways Not To Die

Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Radioheads Are Forever, Forever, Forever

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Did you know that Daniel Craig -- seen here in leather driving gloves on the set of the new Bond film Spectre and giving me all sorts of filthy fantasies in the process -- interviewed Thom Yorke for Interview Magazine a couple of years ago? I don't know what their connection is (besides being two of my favorite people of ever) but I probably linked to it at the time. Anyway that's what sprung to mind this morning as I read the news that just before the betting closed on who'd be singing the new and always ballyhooed Bond Theme Song a massive bet was laid down by an anonymous person that Radiohead would grab the honors. Radiohead singing a Bond theme song! My brain would break! 

The funny thing is I was just having a conversation with the boyfriend over the weekend about Bond Theme Songs; as we drove through the mountains of Pennsylvania we were listening to the Greatest Hits of one Dame Shirley Bassey (don't you judge) and I stated that Mendes should pay her whatever she wanted and get her back. Of course I take all of that back if Radiohead is doing it. Fuck Shirley Bassey! (I love you, Shirley Bassey.)


Putting The O God Yes In Magneto

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One of the things I've been missing whilst being away the past couple of weeks is the glut of X-Men: Apocalypse stuff that's been dropped - pictures of shoulder pads and stonewashed jeans left and right! I'm focusing in on the shots of Michael Fassbender here naturally, but you can see more here and here and blah other places. Other places! I like the look they're giving Magneto this time around though - he looks all burly in his plaid. And this other shot...

... with that out-of-focus yet clearly built-as-fuck steelworker silhouette in the background reminds me of that scene in The Simpsons where the coal mine becomes a dance club - "We work hard and we play hard." You better bring it, Bryan Singer!

Oh and I should add this art-work of Brit-twink Ben Hardy's mutant butt-cheeks donning his Angel costume-to-be because really that's what we watch these spandex-fests for ain't it when it comes down to the brass tax of it all?


Good Morning, Nico

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When I mentioned Nico Tortorella in yesterday's "Good Morning, World" post as being an exemplary narcissist for the Instagram Experiment I had no idea today would be his 27th birthday and we'd be back here, using up the goodies he's offered as of late to wish him a happy one. But it is and here we are and I'm fine with that.

Nico is clearly fine with it as well. See lots more of him here. It's weird that his birthday isn't listed on IMDB though isn't it? I had to find out via, where else, Nico himself, where he wished himself a happy birthday by posting, what else, a shirtless (or perhaps probably naked) picture of himself.

Why am I not surprised that he's a Leo? Anyway Nico was also spotted this week (via JJ, thanks Mac) soaking up some sunshine (not to mention some spotlight) on vacation in Palm Springs. He's making me think of that episode of The Comeback where Val goes to that chic desert hotel and all those LA douchebags camp out for the poolside seats (remember Marky Mark's butt?)... Nico is so The Comeback, you guys. They so should have had him dating Mark's daughter Francesca in the second season. Okay anyway hit the jump for more pics...

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Wake Up Wes Bentley We Love You

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Bless the front page of IMDb for bringing this trailer to my attention when otherwise I'd have probably missed it given its small stature -- Wes Bentley and Kate Bosworth are starring in Amnesia, the new film from Michael "Twin Falls Idaho" Polish (thing I also just learned: Polish is married to Kate Bosworth), which looks like his typically stylized take on Misery. And yes what that means is lots of wounded Wes looking forlorn whilst oft shirtless and strapped to a bed. We have a bingo.

Although nothing he's done has struck with the blunt force of those beard-swirls in The Hunger Games I'm pleased as punch that Wes has been working working working over the past few years - I sure do like watching him.

As an aside, have any of you watched Final Girl yet? It's mostly Abagail Breslin's show but Wes slinks around looking all sultry like here and there and the movie maybe tries two hundred percent too hard but there's some good stuff happening. It's interesting, at least. It's nice that Wes is trying to make interesting movies. Nice! God, I'm so wise today. Anyway here's Amnesia's trailer...
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And here's a nice shot of his butt in the trailer, just cuz...
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Quote of the Day

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"I think that is one good thing, to not just objectify women but also objectify the beauty of the male genitalia! We’re all objects together."

I saw some headlines proclaiming that in this interview with the ex-King Joffrey aka the actor Jack Gleeson he comes out saying he doesn't watch the show because of its supposed misogyny, which is a terrifically mangled interpretation of his words to my eyes, but I do appreciate the fact that he did indeed jump on the "get the dudes nude" bandwagon so eloquently. The beauty of the male genitalia, hear hear. Maybe he should chat up his pal the distressed hunk Kit Harington a bit.
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Great Moments In Movie Shelves #4

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Nouveau Riche Oblige, Clue
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I Am Link

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--- Future Smash - Demolition, the other other Jake Gyllenhaal movie coming out, the one that's not Everest or Southpaw (which no I haven't gotten a chance to see yet, I am a louse), the one directed by Dallas Buyer's Club (boo) and Wild (yay) director Jean-Marc Vallée and co-stars Naomi Watts, has gotten scooted off to next year, probably because of something Harvey Weinstein did damn him; it will actually be opening the Toronto Film Festival in the Fall though, and The Playlist has the first picture. It's just a picture of Jake. I'm sold!

--- Bailed By Eion - This all happened so quickly I wasn't even able to get excited before getting disappointed -- apparently last week my furry love Eion Bailey joined the cast of HBO's Westworld series, which would've put him possibly on-screen opposite James Marsden and immediately blown my synapses like so much malfunctioning robot. It would've been worth it though! His role was described as "hedonistic" which I translate to "sexy and naked." But, sigh, just as quick he's gone, replaced by Ben Barnes. Barnes is hot enough (some examples) but he's no Eion.

--- Saint Patty - I just realized I haven't even watched this yet myself but here's the trailer for Patrick Wilson's new sex movie (I wish that description were what I wanted it to be) called Zipper, in which he plays a dude (a hot one, since he's Patrick Wilson) who's sex obsessed. I haven't heard good stuff about this movie but clearly we'll watch Patrick Wilson be sex obsessed. Mostly we're just killing time waiting for Fargo to come back with his hot ass along for the ride though. Have you been seeing the little trailers FX has been airing? Oooh ooh ooh it looks so good!

--- We're In The Monkey - We saw that relatively unimpressive teaser for the new King Kong movie called Kong: Skull Island (I wish they'd go back to just Skull Island) so many many months ago it's already forgotten and they haven't even begin filming the thing yet; this world we live in is weird, you guys. Anyway the movie will apparently star Tom Hiddleston (that we already knew) and Brie Larson (which is the new news) so we're so so very there all the same. She's gonna make a great entry in the Ape Blonde lexicon!

--- Big Chop Charlie - I think it's safe to assume that you pervs have already perved over the lovely pictures of Charlie Hunnam on the cover and inside of Entertainment Weekly stroking his gigantic man-sword for that King Arthur movie he's starring in from Guy Ritchie, but maybe you missed this behind-the-scenes video of him talking about how much he loved stroking his gigantic man-sword? (thanks Mac) It's the sort of thing one wants to listen to, anyway.

--- Little Gray Suit - While I was away I missed the 30th anniversary of Tim Burton's glorious life-changing 1985 film Pee-wee's Big Adventure on Sunday, but the funny man himself (Paul Reubens that is) celebrated it over on his website (thanks Mac) by sharing a bunch of never before seen pictures from the set - what struck me is how similar Paul still looks in his Pee-wee get-up (we should all take his lead and wear the same clothes for thirty years) while how very very young TIm Burton looks.

--- A Second Sense - Apparently Netflix still hasn't let the Wachowskis know if Sense8 has been renewed for a second season - boo, Netflix, boo! I need more hot dude mind orgies dammit. Gratuity aside (that's a goddamned big aside, granted) I really did come to love the show and I want more and more adventures with that pack of weirdos, so I hope they give it another go. I know reactions were pretty mixed but I'm really curious to see where they'd take it from here.

--- Can't Quit You - I feel like Out Magazine kinda jumped the gun by posting their 10 year anniversary piece on Brokeback Mountain this month since the movie's actual anniversary isn't until December but I guess they wanted to get the credit for screaming "FIRST!" and meaning it. Anyway it's a good read, (llots of good stuff from Jake and Anne Hathaway) although I just kept wishing Michelle Williams had participated - you really feel her absence. I don't know if it's just difficult for her to reminisce about that time what with losing Heath or what but I hope she can talk about it one day.
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